Sand dunes and the ancient sea bed

Population 30

The family took me on a trip to the sand dunes today.  The dunes are constantly shifting and revealing hidden treasures.  At the moment nearly a kilometer of ancient sea bed and fossilized coral is exposed in a gap between the dunes.  There is fan coral and brain coral some of it a meter high and perfectly preserved in stone.  You can see the intricate structures of the ancient organisms.  I’m told it dates from approximately 750,000 years ago.

Also newly revealed by the shifting sands is the ruins of a car.  The origins are no mystery.  The father of the boys I am teaching bogged it when he was 14 years old.  He’s now in his mid-30s.  He took the brand new car for a joy ride, bogged it, lost the keys in the sand and there the vehicle has sat for nearly 20 years as the sands covered it up and hid it.  In the last six months it has reappeared to remind him of his youthful adventures.

The Island Goes Hollywood

Population 30-ish

A film crew descended on the island yesterday.  They are filming a commercial for a new 4 wheel drive utility vehicle and the island is considered the most rugged and remote place to show it off.

It was also a perfect excuse to cut school.  It didn’t seem fair to the boys to have them in class when there was so much excitement going on (and I didn‘t want to miss out either - school be damned).  So we all piled into the car and followed the crew to film at the blowholes.

The west side of the island has around 60km of cliffs that stretch along the coast.  They are pretty treacherous which is part of their appeal for macho types.  A few months ago we had a group of staff go for an outing to the cliffs.  A king wave came and nearly washed them over.  They clung on, battered and bleeding as they were dragged across the jagged rocks.  They turned up back at the homestead where I tried to get all the sand and coral out of their cuts, disinfect and patch them up around the kitchen table.  All part of the governess’ job.  Good thing I got my first aide certificate before I came here.

So our film convoy headed for the blow holes.  It was a perfect day for it.  The swell was huge and the water was blowing 30 meters into the air.  They parked the brand new car in the mist and got some great shots.  We were just standing out of the way debating how long it would take for that lovely new car to fall apart with rust after sitting in the salty sea spray.

I thought I might pitch the Hollywood people a show about a San Francisco city slicker who takes a job as a governess on a remote island.  Whimsy, hilarity and drama ensue as she comes to terms with the isolation, weird characters, and dangerous animals.  A bit like Northern Exposure . . . . okay . . . .almost exactly like Northern Exposure . .  . except this time with a shiela instead of a bloke. . . . . okay . . . . . never mind.

Island Fever and Snake Bites

Population 10

I’ve been here long enough now to know and recognize the strange symptoms of “Island Fever”.  There is something about being cut off from the rest of the world that has a weird effect on people.

Eventually all the staff get Island Fever.  Some get weepy and angry.  I’ve seen one girl stare at her cell phone all night when she KNEW there was no reception.  Maybe she thought it would magically start receiving texts if she stared at it.  Others start bemoaning the lack of pizza.  One staff member who was here for four months was almost disowned by her parents because they thought “I’m on a desert island with no access to communications” was a ridiculous lie and just an excuse not to talk to them.

My fever came as an obsession with potato chips.  The weather had been cold and rainy for a month.  My clothes had been worn to rags.  I was in bad need of a haircut.  Frankly, I had been on the island too long.  I took a tumble on slippery tiles and thought I broke my leg which would have been pretty rotten bad luck considering how far away from help we are.  Whatever I fell on had two prongs that gouged two little holes in my shin that looked exactly like a snake bite.

I don’t usually eat potato chips when I’m in the city and we don’t keep any on the island.  So I sat there with my ragged clothes and my wild hair and my snake bitten leg and I thought “if I don’t have potato chips soon, I’m simply going to die.”  Suddenly, just knowing that I couldn’t have them was enough to start the fixation.  It took about a month before I could get on a supply run to town.  By which stage I was crazed with the idea even though shopping involved having to wade ashore through shark infested waters!  I finally got to the shop and bought five huge bags.  After spending three days gorging on them, I remembered I really didn’t like potato chips.

Thankfully school holidays happened in mid-July.  I went and met my man (who shall remain anonymous) in Sydney.  We stayed in a “Deluxe Grand Harbour View” room with a 270 degree view of Sydney Harbour.  I was looking so ragged when I turned up, I thought the five star hotel would take one look at me and boot me out the door.  But somehow I got past reception and we drank champagne, ate expensive cheese, took advantage of all the decadence the city had to offer.

Now I’m back on the island.  I feel much better now.  The craving the chippies (and everything else the outside world has to offer) has subsided for the moment.

The island is beautiful again.

Camping with the Boys

The campsite (tent is just a prop - we don't actually sleep in it.  We wander home to our nice warm beds by 8 o'clock)

The view from the camp at sunset

The elusive sand frog and the axe incident

Population:  45-ish

The boys and I went for our usual camping expedition last night on the beach about 100 meters from the homestead.  It’s just far enough away, and around a little bend, so you don’t see the house and it feels like you are a million miles away from anything.  But you can still wander down to the homestead if you get too hungry or need to use the loo.

Yesterday we set up camp and were just watching the fire burn down, when we saw a little movement in the sand.  It was a tiny sand frog that only exists on this island!!!  A very rare and very strange creature that burrows into the sand and can sleep for up to three years if there is no rain.  It’s croak is an odd squelching sound. 

This frog was feeling pretty sleepy.  We weren’t sure it was alive at first, but it did move a little and bat its eyes at us.

After running back to the homestead and showing our frog to everyone we could find, we set the frog free back in the sand dunes and settled next to the fire to roast our potatoes.

We get a view of the whole of the Bay from our campsite and we were noticing some very strange boat activity.  Someone going out in a kayak after dark and fetching the dingy from the mooring.  A mysterious boat that was traveling very fast, came to meet the dingy and then left.  Very curious indeed.

Once we got back to the homestead, we found out someone camping at the north end of the island had been chopping fire wood and missed.  The axe had gone into his shin right to the bone.  The Homestead had got a frantic call from his fishing buddies saying that he was drifting in and out of consciousness and they were having trouble stopping the bleeding.  Then the cell phone reception crapped out.

The camping sites are three hours drive from the homestead it was already getting to be late afternoon.  They contacted the flying doctors, but there was no way they could land at the island airstrip after dark.  They had called in a rescue boat.

From what I hear, the fishing buddies put $500 cash in the injured bloke’s pocket for the flight home, put him on the rescue boat, and went back to fishing.

The Genesis of a Classic Fishing Story

Population 35-ish

A group of homestead guests came back from fishing the cliffs yesterday in a very raucous mood.  Fishing the cliffs is a very foolhardy thing to do.  Huge waves crash into the sharp rocks and standing on the rocks there is no quick escape and no quick rescue if something goes wrong.  But you get 10 blokes together, away from their wives, and hand them an esky full of beers, well, what do you expect is going to happen.

I heard from the much repeated and embellished story that was drunkenly told over dinner, that a huge wave had come and knocked one of the fishermen off the rock and back towards the cliff.  They had seen him tumble 10 meters backwards and he had been submerged long enough for his fellow fishermen to think he might be dead.  Just when they were silently writing his obituary in their heads, he pops back to his feet, fishing reel still in hand.  His mates yell, “get off the rocks!!!” and other choice expletives.  His reply was “No!  I’ve got a fish!!!” which he then proceeding to reel in.

He had a good sized laceration to his buttocks and his fishing jacket had been torn to threads, but he was otherwise in good health.

This is surely the genesis of a classic fishing story that will be retold and exaggerated for the next 30 years.

Staff gathering in the homestead kitchen for dinner and a beer

Vegetable Painkiller

Population:  30-ish

I’ve developed a collection of pottery shards that I find along the beach.  Some of them have very old fashioned patterns on them.  I’m convinced they come from old shipwrecks.  Maybe pirates!!!  There have been at least five documented shipwrecks on the shores of this island.

I was walking along the beach last week when I came across an intact glass bottle with the words “Davis Vegetable Painkiller” embossed on it.  What on earth is a vegetable painkiller!?  I looked it up on the internet.  It seems that from 1825 to around 1880 the Davis Pharmaceutical company made and distributed a mixture of opium and alcohol and called it a vegetable painkiller.  It was classic snake oil , but I’m sure it would have stopped the pain!!!  It was distributed by missionaries in the local area and my new little bottle must have been bobbing around in the ocean waves for at least 130 years.

Now I’m convinced that my pottery shards were the property of Blackbeard.

The disappearing mullet

Population 25-ish

You can see the bay from the school room window.  I was extremely surprised last week when we saw a huge commercial fishing boat pull up in the bay in front of the homestead.  This is a World Heritage listed Marine Park and protected waters with extreme and rigorously enforced sports fishing limits.  The fishing vessel threw out a large net and caught the entire school of mullet that used to jump out of the water in front of the homestead.

It seems that when they created the Marine Park, the aboriginal community retained traditional fishing rights.  I just didn’t expect them to turn up in a whopping great trawler and grab all our leaping mullet!!!

One enormous sand dune

Population 35-ish

One of the guests took the boys and I to the sand dunes today.  Massive, pure white dunes surround one of the bays.  The two boys jumps on snowboards and skied down them.  I thought they would break their necks, but they had obviously done this before.  I tried it myself.  It was a fun skid to the bottom but a long, steep scramble back to the top.

The guest had been coming to the island for 20 years and was telling me that the island had been one enormous stretch of sand.  He couldn’t believe how it had changed into scrubland in the last five years.  The sand is now held together by huge clumps of wiry grass and green bushes waist high.  There are some tiny trees that grow about knee high that looks like a miniature mature forest because of their gnarly, bonsai shape.   

I guess that’s what happens when you remove 25,000 sheep that have been eating everything green for the past 120 years.  The particularly wet summer has helped.  He pointed out one small tree (about six feet tall) amongst the grass and the scrubs “this used to be the marker for the road,” he said.  It used to be the only thing growing and the only way to plot your way across the sand.  Now the scrub is so thick the tree has almost disappeared and it’s almost impossible to drive off road.

Camping at the End of the World

Population:  35-ish non-zombies (except after a big night on the booze)

It seems a man named Harold Camping had predicted the end of the world to occur last night.  I bet you all thought I was crazy when I moved to a desert island in one of the most remote places on the planet.  You would all have been laughing on the other side of your zombie faces when I was safe and sound and surrounded by shark infested waters to protect me from the apocalypse.   It’s a well known fact that sharks love to feast on left-behind zombies.

Maybe I took the whole thing too literally.  Or maybe I mis-heard.  I thought we were meant to go “camping” for the Rapture.  So I grabbed the boys (I thought I might need minions later) and we took my new tent and went camping about 100 meters up the beach from the homestead.  We had the camp fire going and I threw a few cheesy potatoes in foil onto the fire. The boys’ grandmother was visiting and came to join us with a bottle of red wine.  One of the woofers brought us a big plate of fresh caught, fried calamari for dinner from the homestead kitchen.  We had a gorgeous sunset at exactly 6 o'clock and the world kept turning.  It was a lovely evening.

Not that we would have noticed the Apocalypse out here even if it had happened.

A day in the life of an island schoolroom

Population 40-ish

I've been back on the island for a couple of weeks and have slipped right back into the daily routine.  School starts at 9 o’clock but I usually get in at 8:30 to prepare the lessons for the day.  The boys pop their heads in, grab clothes from the chest of draw and ask “how many minutes to school time.”  Their toddler sister and the new puppy usually come to visit.  There is a kiddies gate to keep them both out during the day, but in the morning I let them wander in and out.

I have a musical triangle that I use as a school bell.  Strangely, the boys respond instantly to the “bell” but you can barely get them moving if you just find them and say “school time boys!”.  I let the toddler ring the bell even though she doesn’t quite have the hang of it.  She puts her hand all the way through and tries to bang the triangle with her forearm.

Lessons come straight out of the “School of Isolated and Distance Education” packs that are sent to us once a term.  The boys also do “Air Lessons” once a day for about 45 minutes.  These lessons used to be over CB radio.  Now it’s all on the internet, but they retained the “Air Lesson” label.

An “Air Lesson”  is conducted by the teacher at the School of the Air.  The school only has 30 students spread across the stations and tourist camps along the coast.  Each class has about 5 students who log onto the lesson.  There are buttons to press to put your hand up.  These are numbered so you can tell who put their hand up first.  Then an “applause” button and a “laugh” button that flash little clapping or laughing icons next to your name if you find something amusing.  There is usually a powerpoint type presentation and students are able to write on the screen with the mouse or point to things with their cursors.  Of course they are also able to talk using a headset with a microphone.

There is a constant battle for the “comfy chair”.  It’s my office chair and it has padding, goes up and down and twirls around.  So of course everyone wants it but little boys whose feet can’t touch the ground tend to fall off spectacularly when bending down to write on the little student work desks.  I find if I just stand behind them and keep poking them with my finger and repeating “I need my comfy chair“, they eventually get off.  It’s all part of the game.  I can’t stand up for two seconds without one of them nabbing it.

If we get all our lessons done before lunch, then we do art after lunch.  This doesn’t happen too often.  The lessons are pretty time consuming and the teachers expect the sets to be completed in two weeks.

The little puppy likes to come into the classroom whenever the kiddies gate is left open.  Unfortunately he hasn’t quite got control of his bladder yet, and whenever you grab his collar to lead him out of the room, he pees.  After cleaning up quite a bit of puppy pee, I now have a method of herding him out of the room.

School ends at 3:30 with reading time.  Sometime we let the toddler and the puppy in for reading time too but that usually dissolved into chaos.

Back to the Mainland

Population:  Minus one

I’m back in Brisbane for a few weeks to go shopping and replace all my ragged clothes.  The bore water used for washing really takes a toll on your laundry.  It is such a great feeling to be wearing clothes that I haven’t worn into rags.

We didn't have any guests on my last night, so the staff had a bonfire on the beach.  It was beautiful.  The housekeeper tried to make damper (camp bread) but it didn't work which was a shame because I hadn't had much dinner.  She tried to wrap the dough around a stick and wave it over the fire, but the dough was too runny and fell into the flames.  The mix of beer and wine and an empty stomach nearly killed me.  I didn't drink that much!!!  I dragged my sick head out of bed around 7am to get coffee.  It was then that I found out that I wasn't going to be flying off the island at midday as originally planned.  I needed to get on the boat in 10 minutes.  I had to pull myself together in a big hurry and hope I didn't make a scene and spew into the sea in front of three generations of the family.  Not very dignified for a governess.

It doesn’t feel weird to be back in the city.  The island seems very far away

Salty Sea Dog

Population 35 (and one puppy)

Yesterday the new puppy arrived.  It’s a floopy little golden retriever who is about six weeks old.  There is nothing more adorable than seeing a seven year old boy get a new puppy.  The puppy is a bit confused.  The boy is grinning ear to ear.  They have named him Salty.

We finally have a compliment of staff who fell in love with the island and are planning on NOT running away for the next few months.  It’s good to have some jolly company.  Two housekeepers, a fisherman and an au pair.

Crossing over the abyss

Population 20-ish



The lights of the channel markers are just visible flashing in the bay between the island and the mainland.  It’s a very pleasant place where people I wouldn’t normally meet just turn up and sit at my table over looking the calm blue ocean.  Money doesn’t exist.  I romp around in a fog of surreal blue water and white beaches where the waters are infested with sharks that come into ankle deep water and  come jogging with me along the beach in the morning.

I head back to Brisbane next week for the school holidays.  I have this strange fear that the channel markers I see from my bedroom window could be hospital monitors blinking in my subconscious. Maybe crossing the water to the mainland is crossing back into reality.  Maybe this is all going on in my head.

Tonight a fisherman is having his 37th birthday with four of his mates.  Lots of booze and a chocolate cake.  They are taking the barge off the island in the morning.  Maybe they are crossing over the abyss.

Do they play Red Hot Chilli Peppers in limbo?

Maybe I should cut down on the booze.

How Scary can a Kindergarten teacher be?

Population 26-ish

Ollie’s teacher and the principal from the School of the Air came for their yearly assessment visit this week-end.  It’s not an easy task to get to the island.  You either have to charter a plane or a boat or catch a lift on a supply run.  The teachers ended up chartering a small plane.  In an area of the world that is labeled “remote”, we are beyond “outback”.  The teachers consider us the most far flung of their students in an otherwise extremely “far flung” part of the world.

The airstrip is scratched out of clay around 6km from the homestead.  Sometimes the pilot will call before he takes off.  It takes only 15 minutes to fly from the mainland and it takes us about 15 minutes to drive to the airstrip.  Or we wait until we hear the sound of the plane and then go for a mad dash so the poor devils on the flight don’t think they have been abandoned in the middle of nowhere.

The boys and I waited anxiously in the little sunshade that the dune buggy provided us.  How scary can a kindergarten teacher be?  At times the school seems to operate in a vacuum.  The boys both have on-air lessons with their teachers for half an hour a day.  After each two-week set of work, I send the completed work back to the teachers for marking and assessment.  It takes about six weeks to get the marked work back by which point we can scarcely remember what the set was about.  So the boys and I operate with very little feedback on their progress and I operate with no real validation on whether  I’m going my job properly and whether they are accomplishing what is required.

So I was trepidatous too.  I had visions of the mean teacher and the principal tearing our efforts apart, telling me I couldn‘t teach my way out of a paper bag, and putting the boys into remedial classes.  It was a long wait for the plane to circle and touch down.

The flight touched down and taxied to the “terminal” (aka where the car track hits the runway).  The boys went to hide.  The teachers wanted to take photos.  I think the teachers were having fun on their big adventure too.  The airstrip is full of holes and we always wait for the pilot to get the plane back into the air before we leave.  If they were to loose a wheel or crash, we want to make sure there is someone to get help.

The ride back from the airstrip is bumpy and sandy and lots of bugs fly into your face, so it’s a good idea to wear sunglasses.  It meanders through the low scrubby bushes that survive in the sandy soil and then the vista opens up to the sea when you drive over the final hill to the homestead.  It’s very rugged and hot and dusty.  The homestead is a revelation in the hostile environment.   The homestead is it’s own little cluster of buildings and it’s own little community and it appears out of nowhere on this very large desert island.

The old shearers quarters has 8 guestrooms facing the sea with a long covered veranda dotted with deck chairs.  There are 24 large solar panels and a shed filled with batteries that give us constant electricity.  The 100 year old shearing shed is next to the house and fun to explore (if you keep an eye out for snakes).  The family house with the classroom is behind the shearers quarters and very modest. 

The teachers spent two days assessing the boys.  I was extremely relieved that they didn’t have any major criticism of they way I was running the schoolroom.  They seemed downright complimentary.  Most school of the air students are taught by their mothers who really don’t have the time to dedicate to the kids’ education.   Both boys came out ahead of the curve in their assessment.  It felt like I received a good report card too.

Survivor vs Iron Chef

For a while it felt like I had landed in a bizarre cross-over episode of  Survivor and Iron Chef.  “Who will be voted off the island next?  Whose cuisine will reign supreme?” 

There had been a several new staff members and backpackers who had come to the island and freaked out with the isolation.  A new housekeeper spent the first three days she was here very very drunk and then ended up wandering the shark infested beach at midnight in a stupor.  She didn’t have the money to get back to Perth.  She was very quickly voted off the island as soon as she had earned bus fare.

Another married couple were hired as a general handyman and a housekeeper.  She was a 30 year old German girl, the husband was pushing 60 years old and an Australian.  Was it a visa marriage?  They spent two days looking glum and unhappy and then demanded off the island.  There wasn’t a boat going off the island for nearly a week so they refused to work and just walked around looking miserable.  It was like a cloud lifted when they left.

I was started to feel like the final four in Survivor.  It was nice that I got to be on the jury.  The staff would usually come to talk to me before they went to the boss.  I give the boss a heads-up if I know people are getting island fever so they will have time to find a replacement.

It was also nice to be on the jury when the competing chefs were visiting.  They took it all so seriously and I was happy to partake in their gourmet offerings.

UFO landing (aka “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie”)

Population 24-ish

I’m settling down into the routine of having guests on the island.  Every night there is a big dinner on the front veranda overlooking the bay.  The guests seem to be all super rich wine makers and foodies.  It isn’t cheap to stay here.   So far there has been some insane competition on who can impress the rest of us with their cooking skills and access insanely expensive or homemade ingredients.  Some bring their own wine from their vineyards or beef from their farms.  There are fishing expeditions nearly every day.  They dragged clams from the bay in front of the homestead one day for a clam and chilli pasta.  Ten huge lobsters ended up turned into a green thai curry.  Huge fish are rolling up onto the table expertly cooked by foodies on a spree.

Last night was the super moon.  It was the closest the moon was going to come to the earth in the next thirty years and was supposed to be the brightest and biggest it’s been for decades.  The light falling off the rising moon and glistening on the water made it look like a UFO landing on the horizon.  Fresh caught Salt and Pepper Squid appeared and then a slow roasted goat.  The 80 year old Italian family patriarch was holding court on the lawn with his sons and nephews smoking and watching the moon rise.  He had given me a lot of strange and sometimes incomprehensible advice on life and love over the last couple of weeks.  He jokes that I’m his new girlfriend.  It seems that he owns half of Perth.  Will and Ollie and I used the Ipad SkyWatch app to map some of the stars.  We found the saucepan (otherwise known as Orion’s Belt).

Then we all sat around drinking homemade wine and eating goat under the super moon.

We've been invaded!

Population: 26

We’ve been invaded!!!  All of a sudden the guests started arriving.  The population of the island more than doubled overnight.

A family group of Italian fisherman are amongst the guest that arrived this week-end.  They are rugged, outdoors types with deep tans and a love of coffee and food.  The father is from “the old country” but the middle aged sons are Aussie to the core.  They brought their own espresso machine just in case they couldn’t get proper coffee on the island.  The brothers made dinner last night by barbecuing the fish they caught and made pasta with a ragu made out of emu meat.  Bush tucker at it's finest!  We all sat on the front veranda overlooking the bay and swapped island stories of sharks and emergency rescues and improvised medical procedures. 

There are wild muscles on the beach and the Italian brothers are going to attempt to de-sand them sufficiently to eat.

There was another snake sighting in the children’s playroom last week, except this time the mother had to rush to the schoolroom to hand me the one year old daughter before she could grab the shovel and behead it.  In the meantime, the snake disappeared.  It’s likely hiding somewhere in the homestead.  BUT the good thing is that the mother then went on a mission to rid the playroom of anything that snakes could hide behind and I scored the bookshelf for my bedroom!!!  Woooo hoooo!!  I guess now the snake can hide behind it at the foot of my bed.

Indoctrinating members into my Cargo Cult

Will and Ollie come out to the front veranda in their pajamas last night with a pair of binoculars watching the horizon for their father to return with a boat full of supplies.  They ran up and down on the beach, tussled for control of the ‘noculars, made bets on who would see the boat first, discussed in detail which direction he would first appear.  I thought “these are the type of sturdy, impressionable young fellows I need in my Cargo Cult.”

Of course, the most anxious devotees of my cargo cult are smokers.  They stand on the beach, fidget, pace back and forth, mutter a couple of oaths and say a prayer that their precious cigarettes have not been forgotten.   I haven’t seen any attempt to construct mobile phones out of coconut shells, but that might just be a matter of time.

But I shouldn’t make fun.  My chocolate supplies are running low.  It’s not that I need chocolate every day, I just like to know it’s there just in case.  The first three weeks on the island I had no chocolate.  I can’t let that happen again.